Go Lick Your Elbow
Stuff you didn't know you didn't know
to KB7SYY for this chuckle-filled item which we have edited a bit, and
added some commentary to.)
Mathematically speaking ...
111,111,111 (one hundred and eleven million, one hundred and eleven thousand, one hundred and eleven) squared (times itself) = (totals/comes to)
12,345,678,987,654,321 (twelve quadrillion, three hundred and forty--five trillion, six hundred and seventy-eight billion, nine hundred and eighty-seven million, six hundred and fifty-four thousand, three hundred and twenty- one) -- which just happens to be the entire mathematical alphabet, minus the zero (what's the point in subtracting the zero?), counted from one to nine, then back down to one.
This requires a "truth in publishing" warning for our readers.
At sixty-nine, we quit on this one. That is -- weren't able to double check the math. And, there's both literary and mathematical irony, for you. Getting back to the decimal point, our pencil ran out of lead, so to speak. Our solar calculator melted. Also, there were cautionary feelings involved. Mathematics can be mentally dangerous. Thinking about this one long enough could turn an atheist into a believer, thus costing him his university tenure. From a nanny-state, or socialist, perspective, it may even be politically unwise to run the proof for this item. (People in Mao caps may come and take you away to an agricultural commune.)
Now, some chilling spelling:
(This we know is true, because we did it. You can actually read what follows.)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
The British Empire ...
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. (It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's')
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska. The State with the highest percentage of people who are
eaten by bears while commuting to their place of employment: (ditto)
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
(Most of it is located in the state where more species walk to work.)
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour: 61,000 (You cannot walk to work in an airplane.)
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. (This has to
have been discovered in a university study funded by a government grant. Who else
would pay for it? Perhaps these intelligently hairy types work at the U.S. Mint. )
The first novel ever written on a typewriter? Tom Sawyer. (Our bet is that
not one of our readers under the age of thirty can name the author.)
San Francisco's Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
(And have more marijuana fibers on the floor than Guatemala. They are Streetcars
Named Far Out.)
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David (the inventor of the shovel)
Hearts - Charlemagne (the world's first cardiologist)
Clubs -Alexander, the Great (an ancestor of Hugh Hefner)
Diamonds - Julius Caesar (both a rock and a hard place)
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both
front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died
because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all
four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
If both back legs are in the air, it means the rider came in last
at the rodeo. Statue at left available for sale at http://www.grubstaker.com/brhoandristi.html
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence e on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q and A's
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? (A. "Obsession ")
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? (A. One thousand)
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? (A. All were invented by women)
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? (A. Father's Day)
Q: What is the origin of the term "honeymoon?" (A. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000
years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based,
this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. )
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? (A. Honey )
At least 75% of the people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Original text © 2011 Oregon Magazine