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Disorder in American Courts
Actual testimony from your court system.  The link below goes to an Amazon page with a bunch of books on this subject.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
> ______________________________ _____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ______________________________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ______________________________ _____________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid
> ______________________________ ______________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a new attorney?
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> ______________________________ _______
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
> What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________ ________
>
> And the best for last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No .
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
   

Disorder In American Courts

2010 Oregon Magazine